Row Z: Slot blasts Manchester United’s autonomy, plus ‘Forest gonna Forest’ and Wolves get prematurely festive

Welcome to Row Z, The Athletic’s weekly column that shines a light on the bonkers side of the game.

From clubs to managers, players to organisations, we’ll bring you the absurdities, the greed, the contradictions, the preposterousness and the oddities of the sport we all love…

Arne Slot was understandably peeved by Liverpool’s 2-1 defeat at home to Manchester United on Sunday. It was a fourth loss in a row for the reigning Premier League champions and Slot had to come up with some reasons why his team had lost when giving his post-match interviews.

What did he go for? Missed chances from his profligate attackers? Slack defending for both United goals? Maybe it was just bad luck and one of those days, seeing as Cody Gakpo alone hit the woodwork three times?

Nope, Slot started his post-game interview with Sky Sports by saying: “If you play United, that comes here with a low block, playing a lot of long balls, you know it’s going to be difficult.”

Ah, the pesky low block and long balls! An entirely unpredictable, unforeseen United tactic.

Anyway, it comes across as a little bitter to be honest, Arne. Anything else to say?

Nope, just this a few seconds later: “If you’d told me before the game that we were able to play against a low block, with the quality players United have, against a team that plays so many long balls, we would be able to create so many chances, I would take that immediately.”

The long balls again. So annoying, aren’t they! How many of them did United play during the game anyway? Well, according to respected data website fbref.com, they attempted 91 long balls (defined in this case as a pass 30 yards or longer). Blimey, that is a lot. And what about Liverpool, out of interest? Oh, they attempted 85. Awkward.

Anyway, anything else that annoyed Slot? “We’ve seen (United striker Benjamin) Sesko play the last three, four five or six times, but they go to Liverpool they change the line-up. That’s not the first where we’ve faced a team and they’ve done that.”

Arrrgh, so annoying when teams do that! So, so annoying. Why can’t managers just pick the same team every time? Like Slot, who didn’t change his XI for Sunday, despite losing to Chelsea last time out.

Still, it’s only been four poor results in Liverpool’s £450million transition season. No need to go overboard on Slot, eh?

Or…

At the time of writing, it was only 41 per cent “Slot out” from 20,000 votes, by the way.

Football. Completely normal.

Speaking of completely normal, what a season it’s been for Nottingham Forest so far.

A quick recap: after taking last season’s very successful set of players and adding 13 new faces to it, some of whom couldn’t even fit into their Europa League squad (including their new record signing Omari Hutchinson, obviously), head coach Nuno Espirito Santo was sacked just over three months after guiding Forest to their highest finish for 30 years and back into Europe after decades away.

Nuno had also become the first manager in Premier League history to double a club’s points tally from one season to the next, but, anyway, he apparently didn’t get on with the club’s new recruitment chief Edu, so, time to go.

Then Forest hired Ange Postecoglou, a manager whose principles (high press, high possession, overwhelming attacking football) are so opposed to that of Nuno’s (low block, low possession, counter-attacking football) they may as well have been speaking different languages, and gave him a month to completely transform the team’s playing style (you know, the one that had just helped Forest to their most successful season this century) and win some matches.

When Forest said goodbye to Postecoglou on Saturday afternoon, they did so with a 39-word statement, which is precisely one word for every day he lasted in charge. Nice work, admin.

With Postecoglou gone, who or what on earth is next? Or in other words, where did Forest’s throw at the dartboard land this time?

Well, it might have been Roberto Mancini, a guy who likes attractive, technical football, has never been involved in a relegation battle as a manager and hasn’t managed in the club game since 2018, but looks set to be Sean Dyche, who leans even further towards the gruff and gristle side of football than Nuno.

Forest gonna Forest.

One manager to keep an eye on is Oliver Glasner.

Not because Oliver Glasner is going to be sacked by Crystal Palace anytime soon but because Oliver Glasner has gone a bit odd by talking about Oliver Glasner in the third person.

Palace’s Austrian boss was asked about potential talks over a new contract.

“There is so much going on. The players and club deserve 100 per cent Oliver Glasner,” Oliver Glasner told reporters last week. “It’s not about Oliver Glasner’s thoughts. It’s also the chairman, all the employees, the owners.”

Row Z thinks this is the first sign of madness.

One manager who might be under pressure soon is Vitor Pereira, who has overseen a run of 12 games without a victory at Wolverhampton Wanderers stretching back to last season. It’s the old Welsh town-name record: LLLDLLLLLDDL.

Wolves are bottom of the Premier League and Pereira, who made a point of drinking pints in pubs with fans after every win he oversaw last season following his December appointment, is now very much just taking one glass out the cupboard when opening a bottle at home alone (he’s probably with companions or loved ones, but you get the point).

But hang on, isn’t this the same Pereira who only last month was handed a big, fat, juicy new contract?

Well, yes. That’s correct, he was. Wolves rewarded the Portuguese, who has only lasted more than a season in one job since 2014, with a three-year deal.

“Now is a time for stability,” the club’s chairman Jeff Shi said 33 days ago.

Stability indeed. The Cambridge Dictionary defines stability as “a situation in which something is not likely to move or change”.

Wolves may be 20th in the 20-team Premier League for quite some time. Say what you want about Shi, the guy means what he says.

And staying with Molineux side, we finish this week with a press release for the ages.

How much friction has been involved in your recent shopping experiences? A lot? Pretty annoying isn’t it, all that friction?

Any idea what Row Z is talking about? Nope.

Enter Wolves and “club retail partner” Levy Merchandising, who are launching a temporary shop powered by Amazon Just Walk Out technology.

We might need that dictionary again.

For one weekend only, Wolves say the pop-up shop will be just in time for the “crucial Christmas shopping rush”. In October. For two days only.

The shop will also “see the Old Gold become the first Premier League club to offer this cutting-edge, frictionless shopping experience”. Basically, customers can just pick up their chosen items and walk out of the store, with “the system” detecting what’s been taken and automatically charging said punter.

Having lived in Wolverhampton for many years, this is nothing new round these parts. Row Z has witnessed loads of people picking up items and walking straight out the store. No friction at all.

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