Xabi Alonso 'plan' ON as club spots his 'potential'

Manchester United have a ‘plan’ for Xabi Alonso that might be mostly dependent on him losing his mind.

We also wonder what on earth United could be playing for now…

Man Utd have Plan C for Carrick

You can hardly blame the Manchester Evening News for slumping at the meh Michael Carrick news and trying to pretend that there is a grand plan in place for the summer, when everything we know about this version of Manchester United tells us that there will be no plan in place for the summer. We fully expect them to finish their Premier League season on May 24 and start discussing their manager for 2025/26 in a meeting arranged on May 25.

But the pretenders gotta pretend so the MEN give us this:

Man United next manager LIVE – Michael Carrick arrives at Carrington, Alonso and Enrique plan

There’s a ‘plan’, is there? Well, no…

The club are expected to appoint a new head coach on a full-time basis at the end of the season, with several names linked. Luis Enrique and Roberto De Zerbi are two names that have been suggested, with Xabi Alonso now out of work after leaving Real Madrid.

Ah, there does seem to be rather a big gap between names (of Champions League and Bundesliga winners, no less) being ‘suggested’ and a ‘plan’. Some would say a chasm.

But if not a plan, then perhaps a ‘stance’…

The Times have reported that Xabi Alonso will be of interest to Manchester United for a permanent appointment in the summer.

Off to The Times we go with a muttering of ‘we should bloody think so’…

Manchester United – who are close to appointing Michael Carrick as interim manager – could be looking for a new head coach in the summer.

Oh. So no ‘plan’ and not even a ‘stance’ – just a statement of fact that Manchester United could be looking for a new head coach in the summer. Which is relevant when talking about the sacking of a high-profile manager.

We all know they will stick with Carrick, right? We know it. You know it. And the MEN know it. We shall cut them some slack for dreaming of a different world where United have a ‘plan’…

Swear on the SPORTbible

The sacking of Xabi Alonso has of course set a few spidey senses tingling. Some absolute dicks have even linked him with Tottenham.

So we get headlines like this from SPORTbible:

Liverpool Bombshell Drops After Xabi Alonso Exit from Real Madrid

The ‘Liverpool Bombshell’ is that ‘Liverpool “do not intend to sign cover”’ for their injured players. And this news has indeed ‘dropped’ after Xabi Alonso has left Real Madrid. It’s entirely unrelated but you do have to ever-so-slightly admire the grift.

And from the same outlet:

Xabi Alonso Has Already Made Man Utd Job Decision Amid Real Madrid Exit

Now you might think that would scupper United’s ‘plan’ for Alonso but it turns out that the ‘Man Utd Job Decision’ that Xabi Alonso has ‘Already Made’ came in the summer of 2024. Because of course it did. We knew that Already.

And it does mean the ‘plan’ is ON.

High potential

Miguel Delaney of The Independent can say nothing without quoting an anonymous big-wig – he really does have a hotline to the great and good (and anonymous) in the game.

“Someone at another major club, another Super League club said: “Well, I mean this is the sort of appointment that Manchester United should be immediately looking towards because as they put it, he is an Arne Slot/Mikel Arteta level coach who has the potential to be an elite coach.”

Potential? He won the sodding Bundesliga. Blame the ‘someone at another major club’ for that faux pas.

What next for Manchester United?

There is a trend for asking questions in journalism, but surely this question from Sky Sports has the easiest answer you could imagine…

Man Utd will play just 40 games this season so what is left to play for after FA Cup exit to Brighton?

Yes, with Manchester United a full point behind Brentford in fifth place – which is likely to bring Champions League football – what on earth do they have left to play for? It’s a mind-bender, alright.

Happy Mather’s Day

Don’t get us wrong, we were never under any illusion that the Express headline of ‘Transfer news LIVE: Man Utd star says goodbye as Tottenham medical scheduled’ meant that a Man Utd star was joining Tottenham; we are not sweet summer children.

But we perhaps hoped that the ‘Man Utd star’ had ever actually, you know, played for Manchester United.

But one lovely by-product of this clickbait age is that Sam Mather – for it is he – has had thousands of words written about his exit from a club he has never actually represented at a senior level.

Just as long as he wasn’t expecting to see his name in any headlines…

‘Man United departure confirmed as players respond to emotional announcement – ‘It’s time” – Manchester Evening News.

‘Man Utd emotional exit confirmed as 14-year spell ends with transfer completed’ – Mirror.

‘‘My time has come to an end’ – Man Utd sell star after 14 years at club as he posts emotional goodbye to fans’ – The Sun.

What time is the Tottenham medical?

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